mindful parenting — YES! A Journal of Positive Futures

mindful parenting — YES! A Journal of Positive Futures:

“SARAH: There is this image of people who have a spiritual practice as being extremely even-tempered. Particularly that a good parent is one whose emotional life , except for a vague affection , may not be expressed a lot around the children.

MYLA: Having everybody be nice all the time may mean that people don’t get to be who they are. Certainly in our family, we really value authenticity. It’s important to give children some latitude for trying out different behaviors. If they always have to be in a very constricted framework of what’s acceptable, they don’t get to explore different aspects of themselves. And they also don’t feel the amazing transformational power of our acceptance.

This doesn’t mean we have no restrictions – we’ll say, “You can’t run into the street. No, you can’t hit Johnny.” We might also say, “We’re having a hard time with the way you’re acting, but we love you.” We’re able to look beneath the surface at what’s going on. Often our children have lots going on, and we don’t get to see it because we’re so quick to label them, judge them, and see them within just the framework of our own expectations, which can be kind of a straitjacket.”

YES!! This is why Mindful parenting is looking so good to me right now. The Bean is easily misunderstood. As are my rather mild reactions to her intensity. I’m sure that I weird folk out when I get quieter the louder she gets, but I try my best not to be angry when she’s angry. That serves no purpose and she needs me to be a calm center when she feels out of control. And being so young and new is about being overwhelmed, at least for my Bean. These are my/our studied beliefs about parenting, ymmv.

I’ve lately been reading, “Buddha Mom,” (Jacqueline Kramer) which is a bit San Francisco foofy, for me, but contains some good basic information. and “Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children.” (Sarah Napthali) which just rocks. I am very comforted by both these books. I find myself doing breathing meditation in the early morning and evening (which I started years ago to quiet my racing mind), and strangely the way I approach my household tasks is meditative. I’ve often used it to soothe myself by simply concentrating on the task at hand, making sure I do it well and completely. I didn’t know that this was, well meditation. Or that my need to step away and regroup in order to “communicate skillfully,” is not wrong, but a genuine way of being. Because I know I strike people strangely. And I’m pretty much ok with that, but saddened at times when even good friends find me a bit incomprehensible (which, being as cryptic as I am is in my court and I know that).

Good lord, when did I turn into a hippy? Somebody get me a new tattoo quick 🙂